Hello Everyone!!
It has been SO LONG since I’ve written a post here! A LOT has happened. Here’s the abbreviated (food-focused) version:
- I started a bakery (yay…see pics!)
- I became fully vegan (yay for the animals, sad for my grilled cheese loving soul)
- I moved to Antigua (yay-yay, and whhhhat? Really!?)
- I closed my bakery (YAY, seriously YAY! …that was fun, but such hard work)
- I’m starting a new online community in our 40 year old business (biggest YAY and what I am writing to you about today!)
- I started eating cheese again (YUM! Sorry…)
I haven’t lost my scratching tendencies (ah that sounds weird!). I haven’t lost my love for making food from scratch (a bit better)! I’m still baking all of our bread by hand, but I must admit that canned beans are lining my cabinets at the moment. Being back here talking to you all has me want to start writing more recipes again! Maybe less photography though!
But I’m not showing up here to talk about food; instead I want to introduce you to the work that I’m doing now. I hope you don’t mind a digression from recipes. I think many of you follow me, not only for my recipes, but also for the thoughts and musings you’ve come to know (or maybe I’m just tooting my own horn, 🤷♀️). If you’ve had the thought, “I wish she would just shut up and give me the recipe,” you should definitely stop reading now! But here’s a great recipe for your time.
I want to tell a short story before I tell you what I’m doing now. Some years ago, I could have been the spokesman for the “how to be a good person” club. Our mission statement was to guilt people into becoming good people while ensuring they self-deprecate and diminish their self-esteem in the process. We had a lot of enrollment!
I lived this way for years! Squeezing myself into ever tighter shapes and sizes as the bullseye for “good person” shifted from group to group and from news cycle to news cycle.
Be nice to everyone, but not so nice that you are ingenuine
Donate time and money, but don’t be a “martyr” – take care of yourself!
Fight injustice, but don’t be obnoxious and a downer
Work incredibly hard, but always maintain the perfect balance between work and play
Don’t be too rigid and controlling, but have the perfect body and relationships
Find the perfect partner & have children, but don’t lose your single-lady aspirations
And on, and on, and on
All of this pressure and fault-finding that I was inflicting on myself resulted in WAY less time doing the things that I wanted to do (spoiler – those were also the things that would have actually benefited me, my friends, family, and community). Instead:
I spent hours watching TV because I was so exhausted from all the pressure
I drank and overate because I was so stressed and needed a “break”
I used Instagram to feel like I wasn’t doing enough & judged others for not doing enough
I gossiped with friends about the way other people were living their lives
For all my efforts, I never once felt like a good person. I spent more time feeling bad about not being a “good person” than doing things that would benefit others! I would occasionally feel a spike of success if I could momentarily prove to another that I was in fact a card-carrying-member of the “good person” club, but I would soon feel like a fraud and be back in my self-deprecating cycle.
So, I decided to FAIL. I decided to boldly (for me) disregard the non-stop pressure to follow the “good person” rules. And you know what I did:
I didn’t go to my own father’s wedding! (was it an upset at the time? YES, but because I told the truth about our relationship at that time, we now have a great relationship, and I wouldn’t change a thing).
After years of study, I decided not to become a doctor (Did it feel like I had just given up years of my life for no end result? YES, but I have since found a career that I thrive in. Medicine would have sapped me; I didn’t have the right personality for that work…I was doing it to be a “good person”).
I left friendships that were based on fault-finding and competition (Was it really hard to say the uncomfortable thing that we both knew was true? YES, but I filled all my extra time with relationships that were joyous and challenged me to grow).
I spent weeks doing NOTHING (I had just graduated. I wasn’t going to become a doctor. Everything I did at that time felt motivated by a desperation to prove myself. So I did one of the worst things anyone in the “good person” club can possibly do. NOTHING. I worked on not finding fault with myself for having no agenda, no purpose, no next thing).
Obviously there are more details I could share, but I think you get the point. When I allowed myself to stop needing to be a “good person,” I made space to actually just BE. To actually investigate and learn my voice and what that voice wanted to do. And the resounding answer once I quieted the noise, was that I wanted to help.
Now I can tell you what I do. I help people to help people. I work with people in one-to-one sessions and in workshops to help them come to the realization that their unique contribution is so much more valuable than following the “good person” rules. When we let our unique voices guide us, we come up with brilliant solutions to problems, we invent ways to bring more life, joy and inspiration to others, we bring change that is lasting to communities that we care about, and so much more.
So many of us have been on Google searching “how can I help?” Especially during 2020! What we find are links to charities. Community organizations. Mental health resources. Political campaigns. And we give our money, we get involved, we vote, we educate, we use our voices and platforms to support and uplift. We do all of this critical work. But is that enough!?? It never feels it!
Why is this? Because YOU are unique. And YOU have something very specific, beautiful, and amazing to give. And you won’t find it on Google or anywhere outside of yourself. You will only find it by looking inside. That sounds trite, but it also happens to be true.
I’ve tried to keep this post as brief as possible (which is still long-winded 😬). There is so much more to share and tell you about! You can join our private Facebook Group to learn more about this. And to engage in challenging discussions that dig deep into revealing your unique voice. Or you can sign-up for our Newsletter if Facebook isn’t your thing. I’d love it if you joined us!
